An Ode to My Maternity Shirt (PS: I’m not pregnant)

As I type this on Sunday night, I’m eating a piece of leftover ice cream cake from Father’s Day, contemplating another (slightly smaller) piece, and wondering if I tweet Kyle Richards nicely and frequently enough maybe she’ll send me one of her forgiving kaftans to wear at the pool this summer.

I like clothes that make my shape indiscernible

I like clothes that make my shape indiscernible

Since I get my cardio these days primarily from chasing AJR around and opening granola bar wrappers really fast it seemed only fitting that I write a tribute to my favorite article of clothing: my gray maternity shirt. Real talk: I had to dig it out of the hamper for this picture because it was dirty. From me actually wearing it.

Real talk: I had to dig this out of the hamper because it was dirty. From me actually wearing it.

While most (ok, I still wear some of the maternity tank tops too…) of my maternity clothes are packed away ready to be donated, there is one shirt that continues to stay in the rotation. I’m self-aware enough to realize that after two kids this old gal ain’t what she used to be, but not so self-aware that I can’t help myself every damn time Oreos are on sale. So the maternity shirt stays. Mostly for function, but also because sometimes I think I can make it seem semi-fashionable. Which is admittedly very very sad. (For moms doing fashion right, check out the ladies from “Diapers and Diamonds” right here)

 

LookatYourLife

My Maternity Shirt

Maternity shirt, maternity shirt my muffin top you hide

With flattering, figure-forgiving ruching on the side

 

Maternity shirt maternity shirt your length is right on track

When I bend over to pick up toys you always cover my crack

 

Maternity shirt, maternity shirt many mystery stains it does conceal

I’m pretty sure I picked you up at some sort of discount Old Navy deal

 

Maternity shirt, maternity shirt if my kids knew what “embarrassed” was I’m sure that they would be

But I can’t help but wear you out in public for in my wardrobe you are key

 

Maternity shirt, maternity shirt like a conflicted cowboy I wish I could quit you

But wait a minute, I saw online you’re on sale and you come in black too

 

 

 

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4 thoughts on “An Ode to My Maternity Shirt (PS: I’m not pregnant)

  1. I’ve tried to toss my thin, long sleeved Gap T for nearly 2 years. I think I’ve even pulled it out of the trash a few times 😆. Needless to say it’s still in my closet.

    Like

  2. Pingback: Poetic injustice: The Nap Battle | The Almost Real Housewife

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